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At the beginning of a year, many of us make new resolutions after reflecting on the year just gone. We may try easing up on the alcohol, start a new fitness regime or begin that project.
However, resolutions have rarely been easy to stick to and during these uncertain times, it is becoming even harder.
The third Monday in January is said to be the day of the year when we are likely to feel the saddest. Though the idea was originally a PR stunt, it comes as no surprise that with the current weather, short days, likely debt and an end to festivities, it's likely to be a more challenging time for people. Particularly given the current circumstances.
This is neatly summed up by the following equation! Where the factors in the calculation are:
W = Weather
D = Debt
d = Monthly salary
T = Time since Christmas
Q = Time since failing our new year’s resolutions
M = Low motivational levels
Na = The feeling of a need to take action
If we add in the pressure and uncertainty caused by the pandemic, as well as climate change, we have a pretty bleak picture. However, despite all this doom and gloom, there is much that we can do to stop ourselves falling into despair. Having worked for over two decades with GP surgeries, universities and many other disparate companies, helping them figure out how to protect mental health, I can assure you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We just need to look a little harder for that light right now.
Here are some tips to help us achieve just that, helping all of us forge ahead with a greater sense of optimism during a very challenging time for one and all.
1. Use Healthy Coping Methods
If you find yourself struggling, what do you do to cope? Do you eat more/less, ruminate, reach for the bottle, or blame others? You are not alone. Many people turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms during difficult times in an attempt to bury or distract thoughts and feelings. However, if you use these techniques too frequently, they can become a problem in themselves. If this sounds familiar, try switching to some of the more healthy coping styles listed here.
2. Catch, Check and Change Thoughts
It can be a complete revelation that thoughts aren't actually fact and that we have the power to change them if they are destructive. If your thoughts are causing your stomach to knot and heart to thump faster, check in with them and try to question how helpful and trustworthy they really are. You could even try reframing them into something more realistic or helpful.
Remembering that “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” and reframing our experience of the adversity we have all had during the pandemic, giving it meaning and purpose, can help us find that little bit of extra strength to keep going. Reflect on what this period has taught you about yourself and those around you. Ask others what they have learnt.
3. Focus on the Good Stuff
Bringing to light an awareness of our thoughts will build the muscle of attention, so that we more readily focus on the good stuff. If we only dwell on the bad, this will become habit and could lead us to dark waters. Think of it as turning away from that light at the end of the tunnel, back into the gloom. Rumination offers fertile ground for depression and anxiety to flourish.
Keeping a gratitude diary, asking those around us what went well, or what good things have happened each day however small, can help build a greater sense of optimism. Taking the time to savour the things you enjoy even if that’s just the first coffee of the day. This will also help build those neural pathways to more readily focus on the positive, steering us towards a greater sense of hope.
4. Accept Emotions
Don't run from difficult emotions, let them be (there’s a song there somewhere!). Don't try to fix them either. Name them. Say to yourself, "I feel..." and avoid "I am..." This feeling does not define you. It is not who you are. It is just how you feel right now. Whatever your experience is, say to yourself, "It's okay" or "This is normal, this is fine" and "This will pass”. Most people are struggling in some way right now, and that’s completely normal. Who on earth can think it would be a breeze to home school our children whilst also trying to meet our work objectives? Just accepting that struggle rather than beating yourself up for not being a good enough parent / employee is a much more realistic, and helpful mindset.
Remember all thoughts and emotions are transitory. Lean into those difficult feelings… investigate them. What are they telling you? For example, if it’s the behaviour of others that is causing you pain ask yourself why and consider what this is teaching you about yourself and your values. Focus on nurturing yourself and alleviating the pain.
“If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart...” Pema Chödrön
5. Focus on What you can Control
Make a list of all the things that might be keeping you awake at night and then work back through that list and strike a line through anything you cannot control. Circle around those you can control or influence. This helps head off rumination and turns our attention healthily to problem solving and diverting our energy to resolving those things we can do something about.
“…grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference…” Reinhold Niebuhr
6. Review Your Lifestyle
"Those who think they do not have the time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness." Edward Stanley
Exercise, sleep, nutrition, connection with others (even chance conversations with strangers) and rest are the bedrock of good mental as well as physical health. Are you getting enough daily exercise? Making sure you prioritise your sleep? Is your diet making things worse or better? Are you able to be in regular social contact with others using any available platform? Do you have at least 15 minutes rest or "you" time every day. Giving ourselves permission to prioritise these things is crucial. Planning out your day and building these in can help set us on the right track. Each day, write down one thing you want to achieve, however big or small to look after your mental and physical health. A daily action sheet can help you achieve this. For example if you are not getting those 15 minutes rest, diarise what Elizabeth David refers to as “intentional unproductivity” where you might choose to meditate, listen to music or take a walk, then make a note of when you will, if you can, in the diary. Time to decompress is essential. We are after all human beings, not human doings. So what resonated? What is it to be? Better coping styles? Thought checking? Getting better at noticing the good stuff? Leaning into emotions? Lifestyle changes?
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got” Henry Ford
I love this quote as it is a reminder that change really does lie with us. Sure, a lot of our pressures are being caused by situations beyond our control. But if you don’t intentionally change anything, then nothing will change. Intention is everything. So do yourself a favour and decide what small action you are going to take to stave off that 'Miserable Monday' feeling!
Michelle Spirit is a Colour Works consultant who specialises in Resilience, Team Dynamics and Leadership Development.
Did you know...
that since the first lockdown in March 2020 The Colour Works has been hosting free-to-attend workshops on subjects that have helped people to get through these challenging times?
Please check out our Webinar page for information on our Colourful Coping Strategies virtual workshop. This workshop will bring to life some of the advice Michelle gives, and leave you with tools to create focus, build resilience and get you through the next few weeks.
